When my 17 year old son, Adrian, was diagnosed with Leukemia several weeks ago, darkness followed. Medication induced migraines have plagued him for the last 6 weeks. Many days have been spent in a dark bedroom. We’ve hung blackout curtains over the windows and duck taped them to the wall to block any and all light.
Driving to appointments included the darkest sunglasses we could find and blankets over his head. It has been a difficult, painful, and DARK 6 weeks.
In my quiet time with God yesterday morning at the hospital, I prayed for light. I prayed that my sweet son could see some light, some hope, the sun, anything that would bring light into his very dark world. Even in the hospital, his room is dark. Other medication side effects make it difficult to move and to walk. He rarely can escape his darkness. I have sat in this dark room for days, praying, reading, crying, writing, and talking to doctors in hushed voices about possible solutions.
My Bible reading yesterday morning was John 8:12. Jesus said “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
Tears poured down my face as I read this. I felt my heart crying out, “ Jesus, light of the world! Come light up my son’s world! Let him have some relief. Let him feel your presence and comfort today! Let your light shine in today!”
I am confident God hears when I cry out like this. I just usually expect a longer wait for the answer.
After a bitter cold Saturday, the sun shone brightly on the hospital playground yesterday afternoon. Adrian suddenly said he felt good enough to get up and walk. We asked a nurse if we could go outside to the playground. We slowly walked down the long hallway and wheeled his IV stand outside with him. It felt amazing to get out into the sun. Adrian let the sun warm his face and we even played a game of cornhole. I joked that we should go down the slide. He joked that I wouldn’t fit. Obviously, that had to be proven wrong.
This may have felt like a somewhat chilly, windy, normal March day for most people. To my teen this day felt like the Light of the world singing, “I hear you. I love you. I am always here. And today I will chase away the darkness for you.”
Later, Adrian was able to play guitar and a game of chess with one of his good friends over FaceTime. I felt my heart hurt with joy again. “Thank you, God, for yet another ray of light.”
Looking for more rays of light today.
I’ve had other moments in my life similar to this. Times when light just can’t seem to break through. It seems like I’ve tried just about everything. I usually feel God nudging me. “Have you asked me for light, yet?”
God wants me to ask for His light. He wants me to stop trying on my own. He wants me to stop turning on all my artificial lights that actually won’t bring any relief; the idols in my life that I think will help but distract from the real life giving light I need. I need Him and only Him and He will chase away the darkness. Maybe just for the day. And I will ask Him for the light again tomorrow.
A Loss For Words 