Author Archives: Suzanne Graham

The struggle is real, my heart twists and turns.

One day in the sun, the next, shadows return.

My heart wants to love, serve, pray and outshine.

But the battle I face, is hidden in mine.

It can’t come from me.

I hear His words set me free.

“Stop trying to stand when you just need to kneel. The struggle is real, the struggle is real.

I know you are weak,

I know all that you face.

Don’t hide it, release it, fall down into grace.

No need to try harder or cower in shame.

Strength only comes when you cry out my name.”

Verse 2

I can hide it, resolve it, stand fast, and pray hard,

But in trying myself, leaves my heart only marred.

I need strength that’s not in me, resolve I can’t find.

I can’t stand, I am weak, I’m worn down in my mind.

It can’t come from me.

I hear His words set me free.

“Stop trying to stand when you just need to kneel. The struggle is real, the struggle is real.

I know you are weak,

I know all that you face.

Don’t hide it, release it, fall down into grace.

No need to try harder or cower in shame.

Strength only comes when you cry out my name.

Bridge:

I’m your all sufficiency,

You can’t without me.

If you want to be set free,

I alone hold the key.

Stop trying to stand when you just need to kneel. The struggle is real, the struggle is real.

I know you are weak,

I know all that you face.

Don’t hide it, release it, fall down into grace.

No need to try harder or cower in shame.

Strength only comes when you cry out my name.

So cry out my name!”

Suzanne Graham 2021

“Not that we are sufficiently qualified in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency and qualifications come from God.”

2 Corinthians 3:5 AMP

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty [emancipation from bondage, true freedom].”

Have you head this statement before? Love others like Jesus did? That is a nice thought. But I have it on good authority that it is actually completely impossible.

When I was 17, I had a desire to love others. I wanted people to feel the love of Jesus through me. One evening as I was lying in bed, I asked God, “Can you help me love others like you do?” He answered in an unexpected way.

It was like a dream, but I was fully awake. I didn’t hear a voice as much as I FELT His voice speak to me. “I will show you MY love.”

Instantly I saw faces. Friends, family, and acquaintances. Their faces started flashing before my eyes, but then the vision started rushing. Faster and faster, faces started flashing before me. Hundreds and probably thousands of people of every age and every race. It was so fast that I could barely breathe, yet I saw each one. I saw each of their faces and looked into each of their eyes. They were strangers to me, yet my heart was aching. With each new face the ache grew and took over. Soon I was sobbing and covering my face with my hands, yet the faces continued flashing in my mind. When I thought I couldn’t cry any harder, it suddenly all stopped.

I was breathing hard. My face was soaked with tears. And then I felt His voice again.

“THAT is how much I love. THAT is how I love every single person in this world, that has ever lived or ever will live. THAT is how much I love you.”

I realized in that moment that I can’t love LIKE Jesus. No one can. But HIS love is always there. He sees each and every person and loves them more than we can possibly imagine.

Ive found best way to give love is to rest in HIS love. I can’t possibly hold it all. HIS abundant, never ending, over powering love will overflow to others.

This video I found comes the closest to what I saw, only what I saw was 10x faster, but it still makes me cry. Video credit to jaray42.

I’ve felt bitten lately. Bitten by fear, bitten by doubt, bitten by grief. Let me explain. I recently did a study on Numbers 21 about the Israelites in the desert .

Verses 5-8 say:

“They traveled…But the people grew impatient on the way; they spoke against God and against Moses, and said, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!”

“Then the LORD sent venomous snakes among them; they bit the people and many Israelites died.

The people came to Moses and said, “We sinned when we spoke against the LORD and against you. Pray that the LORD will take the snakes away from us.” So Moses prayed for the people.

The LORD said to Moses, “Make a bronze snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live.”

When the Israelites begged Moses to ask God to take away the snakes, God answered. But He chose to provide a different way of healing. Rather than removing the snakes from their lives, (a fearful or painful circumstance) God had his alternate plans. He told Moses to create a bronze snake and mount it on a pole. The very thing that was the source of their fear! Anyone who was bitten could run and lift their eyes to the image and allow God to heal them completely. They could get bitten again(and most likely did) but God provided a way of healing.

In my own life, when I pray for healing or for difficult circumstances to change, God always answers. But He doesn’t always answer the way I expect. I remember praying as a 10 year old that my Dad would be healed of brain cancer. I would cry and beg and wonder why he wasn’t being healed. But now, I know that he was. But not in the way I expected. My dad clung to God each and every day, reading his Bible and journaling and rejoicing in the little things. (Like watching old westerns like Bonanza with his kids, eating butterfinger ice cream or drinking cappuccino.) He was pressing into God, being comforted, being healed, and ultimately he was taken home to a new home, a new body, with no pain, and no cancer.

God provides healing and comfort and even little moments of joy when I turn my eyes to Him and press into HIM. God could remove the source of pain from my life or the lives of my children, but the source of pain sometimes is turned into the source of healing.

It’s ok to feel bitten. This is one of those days for me. But I need to resist the urge to crawl in a hole in fear. I need my morning hours to listen for God’s voice, and look for His source of healing. It’s always there.

King Jehoram and king Jehoshaphat of Judah had gone 7 days without water as they traveled to battle the King of Moab. They we dying of dehydration and in panic they called out to Elisha. Elisha responded, “Make this valley full of ditches. For this is what the Lord says. “You will not see wind, or rain, yet the valley shall be filled with water, that you can drink, you and all your cattle and beasts.” “And this is easy for the Lord, He will also help you conquer the Moabites.” (2 kings 3:16-18)

I felt God speak today that He is calling me to dig ditches. To move forward in trust and not to worry about “how” it will work but just dig as wide and deep as I can. (Read his word, pray fervently, mediate deeply, and praise his name unashamedly). I will not see the rain or how he will provide but I need to rise up early to see what he has done! (2 kings 3:22) “And they arose up early in the morning and the sun shone upon all the water.”

I believe God is trying to help me see the value and worth in digging. (Doing the hard things, getting up at 5:30am to sit with Him, pouring my heart out in prayer over the pain and uncertainty in my life ) I’m sure the parched Israelites didn’t understand why they were digging ditches. This grueling work and blistered hands didn’t make sense as they were dying of thirst!? Couldn’t Elisha just hit a rock or something and let water pour out onto the ground! But the act of digging, the action of trust, then was rewarded with exactly what they needed: refreshing water, but then more! They arose to the beautiful sight of the sun gleaming on the water and then they defeated Moab!

I am so thankful for a God that is willing to meet me, to stand by me with his arm around my shoulder, pointing towards the shining water and saying, “Can you see what I’ve done? You dug the ditches and now I’ve filled them!”

It is interesting to think of how the Israelites must have felt when they awoke, drug their aching bodies and blistered hands out of their tents and up a hill over looking the valley of ditches . It must have been a beautiful sight to see the glittering water shining in the sun!

What a contrast to how the Moabites reacted to seeing the water in the ditches! (2 kings 3: 22) “And the Moabites saw the water on the other side(from their perspective) as red as blood. And they said, “This is blood: the kings are surely slain!” They thought Israel had been defeated. Digging ditches (like helping our children through really hard things, surrendering my fear, pain, or regret) can sometimes look like failure from the other side. It can look like blood in the ditches when my heart is not surrendered to God. It can be very tempting to listen to discouragement in my heart like, “What did you do wrong?”, “How could you let that happen?”, “Didn’t you know something was wrong?”. I can feel defeated when I listen to these thoughts.

Here is what I felt the spirit speaking to me through these passages of scripture.

Don’t let the skewed vision of discouragement or fear dissuade you from rising up, pulling yourself up the hill to see the beautiful refreshing view of how God is working through your difficult circumstances! Keep digging ditches! He will fill them!!

My favorite artist, Greg Olsen has a way of expressing how Jesus sees us in a whole new way. His work has given me a renewed vision of my Lord Jesus and how His spirit speaks to me. Growing up, I had a misconception of Jesus’s reaction to my sin. I envisioned him one of two ways; either with his arms crossed, a frustrated frown on his face, and a look that said, “Seriously? You messed up again? Didn’t I already die for you? Didn’t you commit to follow me a long time ago? Get it together!”

OR my visual picture was a Jesus with shoulders bent in grief, a sad grimace of disappointment on his face, possibly a tear falling down his cheek and a look that said, “This is so sad. I died for you! And this is how you treat me? After all I’ve sacrificed for you?!”

After reading the book “A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm” and “Give Them Grace: dazzling your kids with the Love of Jesus.” My new all time two favorite books!) ….this is my renewed and I believe accurate picture of how my Jesus looks at me when I miserably fail.

He has a kind smile on his face, full of love and joy. His arm is around me and He’s speaking truth from His Word, “Come to me. (Matt 11:28) Pour out your heart to me. (Psalm 62:8) You don’t need to be perfect. I AM perfect. (2 Cor 12:9) Confess to me. I already paid for your sin. Just accept my forgiveness. (Psalm 32:5)You need to NEED me. Hard times, failures, and grief help you turn back to me. (Mark 2:17) And I’m right here. And I will NEVER leave you! (Hebrews 13:5)Stop comparing yourself to others. I’m the only one who knows and loves the real you. (1Sam 26:7) Let me change you. (Romans 12:2) Let me satisfy you. (Matt 5:6), Let me lead you and love you! (Jer 29:11) Give me your fear And I will give you my peace. (Phil 4:6-7)

I love you more than you can even imagine my child!” (Ephesians 2:4-5)

I’m sharing this because this new picture of Jesus has completely changed my relationship with Him. These pictures made me cry with joy that we have a Savior who looks at us and desires to sit with us like this! Maybe the rest of you already realized this a long time ago. But this is something new for me in the last 3 years.

If you’ve never stopped to think about how Jesus looks at you, take a break from whatever you are doing. Jesus is waiting to strengthen you, comfort you, grieve with you, rejoice with you, and even laugh with you. He is there. He is real. And he is waiting to speak to you and offers real lasting forgiveness and joy.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“Sometimes we don’t hear from God until we position ourselves to listen.” “God is just waiting for you to be still” – Priscilla Shirer

Live like you’re not needed.

It’s been 16 years.

16 years of life with my Dad and now 16 years of life without him. And I’m still learning lessons from his life. Today would have been his 73rd birthday.

Live like you’re not needed.

Let me explain.

My dad passed away when I was 16 from brain cancer. Did I need a dad? YES! But would I melt away without one?

I grieved deeply for my dad. I was jealous of kids with parents that held hands, and kids that complained about their parents. I cried long and I cried hard wishing for the smell of cough drops and cappuccino which were his favorite things.

He was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 45, had to retire from the field of dentistry which he absolutely loved. He no longer could ski, drive, run marathons or even ride a bike well any longer. Also three things which he absolutely loved.

When I was 16, my dad was on hospice in our home. I would go to classes, piano lessons, or babysit and come home to the hospice nurse in our driveway, church family there with meals, or an old friend to sit and sing with my dad.

One morning, I offered to feed my dad some cereal while my mom took some much needed time for herself. Feeding my dad Cheerios was something I could do. My dad had not spoken in over two weeks as the cancer took over. As I fed him a spoonful, I noticed tears in his eyes. I panicked! I thought he had choked and I grabbed his arm, “Dad, are you ok?!” He smiled weakly and placed his hand on mine and said very slowly and softly, “happy”.

I broke. Here was a man who was known for his servant heart, his multiple trips to Mexico providing free dental care, raising 7 children, providing free dentistry to missionaries here in the states and to those in need, walking from house to house in our neighborhood handing out Jesus videos, and going multiple times a year to a boys prison in Indiana to share the gospel. Was he needed? Didn’t God NEED him!! As a 16 year old, I didn’t understand why this was happening! Everything was taken from him! Why was he HAPPY!?”

The answer lies in Psalm 63:3-4

Are we needed? NO. Only Christ is needed.

“Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You. So will I bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.”

My dad lived knowing that Gods loving kindness was better than life itself or any love he was able to give. He praised God while he had breath, and as long as he had life. God enabled him to lift his open hands and heart in thankfulness even in the midst of excruciating life events.

Are we needed?

We can be ENABLED to do unbelievable things for God but HE IS THE ONLY ONE NECESSARY TO ACCOMPLISH HIS WILL. We can be available to listen, to speak, to hand out a video, to wrap our arms around someone when it’s needed, to adopt a child, to love our children the best we can, to protect our children the best we can. But it’s not because we are loving, giving, careful or gentle enough. ITS BECAUSE CHRIST’s loving kindness is enough!!!! ITS BETTER THAN LIFE ITSELF.