A struggle that’s unseen Pain without the answers Scars that can’t be kissed away Memories that hurt It’s hard to smile through it Sometimes I feel helpless as I pray
Then. The Light shines in We feel hope It’s singing again Jesus. Reaching for us. So I smile to myself As He shows us He’s near So….. near….
Sisters painting pictures Brothers telling stories Love notes pushed under my door
A text that says “I love you” Harmonizing as we drive Teddy bear tea parties on the floor
“Look for the light.” I hear my Father whisper “I know the strain is real But I’m hear in the struggle. Pulling you closer My light is around you Let me show you I’m near.”
And then; His light shines in. We feel hope It’s singing again Jesus Reaching for us So I smile to myself As He shows us He’s near. So near…..
Movie nights past bedtime Basketball out in the rain Doughnuts in our Sunday best
Waffles in the morning Lego castles on the stairs Back rubs when it’s hard to rest.
Stickers on the windows Scooters in the driveway Treasures from the past hung on the wall
Hugs that mean “I need you” Looks that say “I know you” Answered Prayers no matter how small.
Several months ago I had a very vivid dream. I dreamt I was on ship with my husband and all my children. We were in the middle of the ocean and there was a terrible storm. It was dark and terrifying and our ship was sinking. Suddenly I was in the water. It was so dark that I couldn’t see anything. The water was cold and deep. All I could do was keep my head above the water and cry out. I started calling out my children’s names. As I shook with fear, I suddenly found myself above the waves and clinging to a very large rock. And then I heard their voices. One by one, all calling out to me. The voices of my oldest to my toddler’s little voice all called out to me that they were safe. I started crying with joy and called out to Ben. “They’re ok, everyone is ok!”
It was then that I heard a heavenly voice, very quiet, yet I could hear it over the storm “I have them. They are safe.”
I woke up suddenly. The dream had been so real, I was breathing hard and trembling. My face was drenched with tears. Early the next morning, I happened to read the passage of scripture in my reading plan about the apostle Paul and one of his shipwrecks in Acts 27. All the passengers of the ship were forced to swim to the shores of an island. Paul was told by God that every single slave, sailor and soldier would make it to shore safely. The last sentence of this chapter states “And so it was that all of them were brought safely to land.”
Acts 27:44 AMP
I also opened to Psalm 61:2 AMP “From the end of the earth I call to You, when my heart is overwhelmed and weak; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I [a rock that is too high to reach without Your help].”
I felt the spirit speaking to me through this verse. My children are His. He loves them more than I ever could and their lives are completely in His hands. It is not my job to save them. It is my job as their mom to cling to Jesus, love them fiercely but hold them with open hands. Life may not go as planned or even hoped for, but my children are safe. It is Jesus that keeps them safe. Here and now or when he takes them home.
As I write these memories of my dream, my family is facing the most difficult challenge we have ever faced. A child with an acute illness. Long stays at a children’s hospital and an unknown future create a lot of fear. But God is with us. I wrote this song several months ago and later recorded it, not realizing that the words I wrote after that dream would one day comfort me in reality.
Shipwreck
I know it’s a dream, yet the rain is so real,
A deafening wind, waves cold like they’re steel.
I cling to a rock, all I have left,
Darkness, it crushes my chest.
The ship that I’d stood on, the things I thought mattered,
Were broken up, torn, split, sinking and shattered.
Where are they! My children! My loved ones, my life?
I can’t hear, I can’t see, panic cuts like a knife.
I’m crying, I’m slipping, I’m helpless to save.
Then a voice settles, quiet, yet louder than waves.
“I have them, they’re safe, you were not meant to save.
They’re mine and they’re precious, I’m here in the waves.
Just hold onto ME, don’t let go, and just sing.
I’m the rock that is higher than you, so just cling.”
My hands can stay open, my heart can love more,
But I’m not meant to save them, or bring them to shore.
I can call out their names, I can sing them to sleep,
But Jesus, just Jesus, can pull from the deep.
“I have them, they’re safe, you were not meant to save.
They’re mine and they’re precious, I’m here in the waves.
Just hold onto ME, don’t let go, and just sing.
I’m the rock that is higher than you, so just cling.”
A Loss For Words 